It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
