I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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