Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
