At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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