I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
