Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm lost and stupid without you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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