all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
