I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
