You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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