it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
