i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
