If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
