All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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