fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
