Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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