You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
