Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
