Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
