I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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