Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
