Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
