you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
