pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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