My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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