At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
