As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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