i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
