I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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