worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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