Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
