If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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