A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
