I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
