I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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