she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Can Purell be used as lube?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
