So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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