When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
