This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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