i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
