I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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