If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
