Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
