I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
