when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
