dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
