The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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