If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My feet surprised me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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