I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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