Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
