Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is my gift to your gina
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am one with the molecules
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
