Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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