Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
