I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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