I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
