he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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