you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
