im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
