He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
