@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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