dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
