If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
