The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
