1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
