I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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