My room smells like vodka and shame
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize