Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
