Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
