Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
