it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
