Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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