I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
