Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
