Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
