Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
