Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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