why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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