I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
