so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
