i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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