You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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