If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
