On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
