Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
