Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
