ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my shit smells like andre
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
