I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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