I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
