You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
