Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
