chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
