i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
