The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
