why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
