In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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