there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found your dick twin last night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
