it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
